Don't say there's nothing to do in the doldrums

The doldrums are something that happen in the middle of the ocean, these huge areas of stillness way out there in the middle.  No wind, no waves, and lots of waiting.

Once you're stuck out there, the only thing to do is sleep and clean the ship.  Because you are up against nature, the only thing to do is drift for a while.  It can make you a little crazy; all that stillness and waiting.  Waiting for a giant and powerful force to help you move.

My ship is clean, I am well-rested, and ready to get moving, but this ocean I am sailing on is dead calm right now.  I am ready for some major wind to get me going.

I was talking to Cece the other day, and lamenting this stillness, and was laughing because this is such a 'white person' problem (in the sense of somtimes well-off, entitled folk complaining about anything) and she said, "Just because it's a white person problem doesn't mean it's not a problem."  My girl.

I know that there are people all over the world who have real things to complain about.  Poverty, hunger, lack of clean water and sanitation.  And all of these issues trump mine, no doubt, but that doesn't mean that what's happening on this calm sea doesn't matter, or doesn't affect me.  And if this is all I have to lament, I consider myself to be exceptionally lucky.  I have a loving husband, wonderful kids, great family all around.  Sometimes, though, I feel far from the land.  I am not alone, not even close to alone, but sometimes feel very solitary. 

There are small, teasing indications that wind is on the way, but every time I get my hatches battened down, nothing happens.  Maybe it just means that when it actually comes, I will be super-prepared.  I am so ready to sail.

I am trying to find inspiration, which I think is like trying to find Narnia:  you can't find it if you're looking for it.  So in the meantime, I will clean the ship, get some sleep, and wait for the winds to come.